we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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