so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All I want is dick and wine.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
