i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
