I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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