YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Screwed.edu
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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