She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize