I think scott just propositioned me for sex
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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