it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
