I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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