when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
