why didn't you poke me back
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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