By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
