It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
is wine microwaveable?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
