you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
