I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
