"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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