I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
