I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
