forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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