The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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