If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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