Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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