I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So squirting runs in the family.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
