remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
