u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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