At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
