remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
