I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She announced her abortion via fbk
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
