dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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