We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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