Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
