I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
