not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
