They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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