I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i came on her dog
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize