Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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