i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
