508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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