i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Four minutes until I can fart!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
