this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
