people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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