Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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