Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
