She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
