Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
