Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
