Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
