You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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