She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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