Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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