my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
