I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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