I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
