8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
this is an emotional support booty call
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