When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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