We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
