We won't sleep together?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
soo... how was my night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
