Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just found puke in my bra..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
