im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
