Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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