that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
God, I missed his penis.
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