i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
