We're facebook friends in real life
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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