she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
