We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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