New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
