It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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