All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
