We named our party play list daddy issues
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
