Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
