I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
