hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
