dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
