guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
