who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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