just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I stole a fireplace last night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
