He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
