Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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