Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
