I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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