A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
