You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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