Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
