It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
