The maid of honor just puked.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
