I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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