And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize